The great new pay hike

You must have heard the latest about the self inflicted good that our beloved MPs have done to themselves ? They have angrily further hiked their perks over and above the 300% they gifted themselves a few days back. The original hike is stale news anyway and I do not wish to add to your boredom or despair, as the case may be, by repeating. I would rather leave you brooding about how to negotiate your own hike with your own management (which is not you yourself), with the fear of getting the boot if you press too hard.

The interesting bit is the way one white haired cerebral Honorable Gentleman grabbed the only opportunity he had of becoming the mock PM and became one, albeit in his mock Parliament. And how the real PM relented and had the other PM (aka FM) grant him his wish ! This has proven beyond doubt that even a mock PM wields effective power and therefore cannot be considered anything below the real PM or the other PM.

Now, that brings us to the most important topic of discussion : what should be the responsibilities of the mock PM and what should his rights be from now on ?

Responsibilities first : Are there any really ? Ok, granting MPs and their kin more and more pay, foreign travel, first class travel, business class travel, chai allowance, samosa allowance, jelebi allowance etc.etc etc. may be considered his prime responsibility. But what else ? To vote for the real PM in times of crisis perhaps ? To walk out of Parliament during any crucial vote and "unknowingly" help the Government survive, perhaps ? To talk about the common man and all the uncommon good that has been bestowed upon him by the common cause of the Treasury Benches, perhaps ? And though not entitled to sit in the front row, and though part of the opposition, actually be the real commoner in the elite Government ranks ? Oh, I forgot the fodder bit. But that is the real PM's responsibility really. To forget all that for the time being till such time he is mock PM.

Have we not seen the ordinary ganna-ka-juice-walla grinding his sugarcane again and again till the poor stick turns into tiny back-broken shambles ? And doesn't that contraption with it's big cart wheel and all the grinds resemble some benefactors we see in flesh once every five years ? Just kidding ! You thought I could seriously write such nonsense without being knocked out of my senses ?  And what has an ordinary juice extractor got anything to do with the right of a mock PM anyway, eh ?

Now, the rights. All the perks of a MP surely, and much more. He should get SPG cover. His family and extended family and their families and anyone familiar with such families should get SPG cover. He should be outside the purview of CBI, CID, RAW, ED, IT etc.etc.. He should be above the Law like the Queen as he has responsibilities which cannot be discharged properly if he is brought under the purview of law. He should be alloted bunglows, both in the National and State Capitals and he may stay wherever he may wish with his bovine pets, BIL(s) and other pests. The Union Cabinet should be at his beck and call and irrespective of what the Prince-to-be-PM may opine about him, he should be invited to all important Government parties with mandatory litti-chokha on the menu. If he ever wishes, he should feel free to walk into any Ministry of his choice, provided he legitimately wins his seat in the front row any time.

I think they should have gifted themselves a hefty increase in their pensions instead of regular pay as life may be hard without the bearings of public service. After all, we Indians look forward to our life-after more expectantly than that on this wretched earth. Maybe, most of our MPs experience the opposite while in that August Office and ensure that they happily live ever after. Why bother about a measly pension at all ?. And here I am, like a damn fool, still concerned about their post ouster well being !!